Shop Cops…The Oscar Edition

March 12, 2006 • Magazine

Shop Cops…The Oscar Edition

Sun, 2006-03-12 18:00

How can we resist this? I mean they do put themselves out there and critiquing of Oscar fashions has been going on since they were first televised. Like we care about the awards! For the most part the fashions were stunning. Ziyi Zhang was jaw-dropping in Armani Prive. Yet, some never learn. There seemed to be a theme of monochromatic blandness. Too many flesh toned frocks that melted into the star’s skin. There were also shocks of color…too much color. Those were the least of the offenses. Read on.

These are in order of hideousness. From bad to worse.

Disclaimer: This section is not for the humorless. It is not meant to be offensive. Please take it in the manner for which it is intended or express your democratic freedom by not looking.
Charlize Theron in Dior
The eagle has landed. On her shoulder. What the heck is that monstrous ball of fabric? The bottom half of the dress looked like wrapping. I get it! She was a present. For a woman who used to be dead-on, her choices this year have been disappointing. Maybe it’s time for a new stylist? Oh and a hair stylist too…helmet head.
Naomi Watts in Givenchy
I can’t even see her to comment. She just sort of…blands (er, blends) in. Looks like someone had fun with scissors. Better luck next year. Try some color.
Amy Adams
in Carolina Herrera

This might be a nice dress on a 50 year-old, but it is too much for someone so young. It’s matronly. I love the color brown, but not in a dress like this. And what is with the breast plate?
Faith Majors
in (I have no idea)

More disturbing than her aqua, Texan old-lady dress was her old-man husband accessory.
Helena Bonham Carter
in Vivienne Westwood

A perennial worst-dressed favorite. As always she looked a mess in a short blue, wrinkled dress, tacky white shoes and messy bird’s nest hair.
Paris Hilton
in Lord knows what

First I have to wonder why she was there. Next I wonder how many peacocks had to die for this awful concoction. She could have gotten shot! Not to mention, she looks like a drag queen.
Dolly Parton
in Appellation Finery

Do I need to explain why? I swear those boobs are getting bigger all the time. They look like two wads of bubble gum. Yet, you can’t help but like the woman.
Zandra Rhodes
we assume in her own design

Oh my God. Who is this? What is this? It’s a joke right? Don’t worry, I don’t know who she is either, but I had to look it up. Apparently she is/was a clothing designer and an actress. “Indeed, Zandra is a fashion icon.â€? That was a quote I found…yeah, right.
Sources: Yahoo Photos
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