Style Criminals Take the Fall

November 4, 2006 • Magazine

Style Criminals Take the Fall

Sat, 2006-11-04 09:00

Fall has fallen around the Windy City and Shop Cops were out and about handing out moving violations for crimes of fashion. OK, we didn’t really hand any out, but unlike Glamour online…we masked their identity.

Disclaimer: This section is not for the humorless. It is not meant to be offensive. Please take it in the manner for which it is intended or express your democratic freedom by not looking.
Mom, even I don’t wear a baseball cap in public.
This kid is laughing at his mother. No idea what she is laughing about. If you are having a bad hair day, try a pony tail or a french twist. The problems with the clothes are obvious. No?
If the shoe doesn’t fit…
Then don’t wear it. But, don’t go barefoot, especially when it’s 40 degrees outside. If you know your shoes are going to hurt, bring back-up or veer into the closest shoe store (she was on Michigan Ave.).
The 80’s are over.
Yes, legging are back, but with scrunched red socks and hiking boots? Um, no. Your boyfriend’s sweater does not qualify as a tunic. Also, if you are chesty (blessed), try a belt for waist definition.

Wall of Confusion
The layered look is in, but not this interpretation. It should should not look like your clothes were thrown on and some elements should match. Rolled jeans that still drag on the ground? Totally perplexing.
Where’s the Flood?
When you are wearing flat shoes with jeans, and they are 2 inches too short then they are floods. When you are wearing flat shoes like sneakers with your jeans, that’s a double violation.

A Double Whammy
NO MORE WHITE SNEAKERS OUTSIDE OF THE GYM! It doesn’t matter how far you have to walk, find some comfortable flats. Next, our biggest pet-peeve is the square-toe boot (with knee socks yet?). Just one word comes to mind…why? One last word of caution, check to make sure your coat covers the hem underneath or opt for a shorter jacket. Don’t tread in no-man’s land.
Close, but no cigar.
The belt should be over a long knit tunic, not slung over the hip with a cropped sweater. If you are wearing a sweater tunic, opt for skinny jeans.

Mom Jeans!
They are still alive and well, unfortunately. With so many options now available, there is no excuse. Unflattering and uncomfortable, they need to be burned. Oh, and never buy a jacket just because it matches your hair color perfectly.
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