We are still upset there were no red carpet mishaps at the Golden Globes this past week. In fact, we are upset there were no Golden Globes at all this year (thanks screenwriters)! So we had to take our bad fashion lumps where we could find them.
Comment: Kids, don’t try this at home. Tacky pose + tacky dress = TRASH! Enough said. Wait, shouldn’t she be smashed after walking the red carpet? Not on it! She looks worn and hung out to dry.
She’s thinking: I paid a ton for these melons! Love ’em. (Burp)
Comment: Trying her best Eve pose, this dress is dangerously close to exposing too much boobage. Not to mention it’s short and the hat totally throws us. Before they had stylists 101. It’s time to graduate.
She’s thinking: I best be careful how I move.
Comment: Singer or flight attendant? Hard to tell, really. This outfit is fugly on so many levels (and altitudes). This proves the point that the English can not dress. Well. OK, most of the English.
She’s thinking: Emergency exits are located at the back, front and side of the aircraft.
Comment: Now this really bums us out because Ciara is normally so well put together. Notice what’s wrong here? Chances are she checked herself out in the mirror before she left home. We are guessing many times. So why are we seeing bra lines under her sweater? Great sweater. Wrong bra.
Comment: Oh Chyna, why do your clothes always look like they are strangling you? Possibly because they are! This dress is too tight and all wrong for the buxom wrestler. The pattern is too much for someone of her size and stature.
She’s thinking: Does Slim Fast taste good? Does it work?
Comment: The offender is really only Melanie, but it was hard to crop Emma out. I have a rack too and let’s face it…I’d never wear something that shines on that area so brightly. Notice her hair is resting on the shelf provided by her massive boobs? Not a good idea.
She’s thinking: I can’t believe I didn’t win ‘Dancing with the Stars.’ I was robbed! It was a great way to get the baby weight off, however. My boobs are e-normous!
– Lauren Dimet Waters