Good Lord. The magic of this show hasn’t gone anywhere! In what was promised to be a PR first, the second episode of season 5 totally delivered a great, new challenge. Models making decisions, designers dealing with clients, and Natalie Portman! We got to know the models as characters with their own drama (Karalyn is nasty!), and some designers who seemed strong folded like napkins, while others proved themselves capable. Even though I watched on TiVo and had most of the episode ruined for me already, I still gasped and gaped when the show told me to, and wriggled around with delight every time Natalie said or did anything. Either I am a total sucker, or PR is still bankable. I’m going with the latter.
So, as for my predictions, they sorta both came true! In the eco-friendly challenge, the designers had their fabrics chosen by… uh-oh… the models! And if you, like me, thought that because models wear designs all the time (you know, ’cause of their job), they might have some vague idea of what to choose, you (and I) were oh so wrong. The models ran around Mood looking like they were asked to scientifically solve the global warming issue all by themselves in half an hour. And, to fulfill my alternate theory about tonight’s episode, many of them traveled in packs and chose the same fabric, forcing the designers to get really creative.
In the workroom, Suede talked in third person, Stella scrapped her model’s idea on the dress, Wesley bemoaned satin, and Korto made her dress inside-out. Blayne continued to force ‘-licious’ down our throats (maybe he IS trying to create a catch-phrase), Leanne put ‘froopy things’ everywhere, and all the contestants looked about ready to drop dead after their first all-in-one-day challenge. Tim Gunn announced that there would be no immunity, but the winning dress would be sold on BlueFly.com.
And finally, after stomaching multiple Rachel Zoe commercials, the runway. I thought many of the most wearable, most finished dresses, got dismissed as middle of the pack (like Terri‘s navy number, which looked a lot like Kenley‘s gold dress, but was more wearable, or Kelli‘s asymetrical two-toned dress which, despite some weird beady-ropey thing happening in the back, was just… cool. And Daniel‘s simple black pocket dress made his model look gorgeous!). Stella, Kenley, and Suede rose to the top, while Wesley, Leanne, and Korto took the judges’ criticism hard with a lot of emotion and tears this week.
In the end, although Stella got props for inserting her own design aesthetic into her dress, Suede took the day with his strippy dress with drop waist and tulle skirt. I was torn between thinking this was cute and definitely had the most work put into it, and thinking that it was something Marissa would have worn on The OC about 4 years ago. Also, I agree with a friend who emailed me today with this commentary- "The fact that Stella got top 3 made me want to throw a brick through
the TV. If I ever see any of you wearing a "cocktail dress" that has an
asymmetrical top with one long sleeve and lacing up the sides, I will
never talk to you again." Well put.
The loser, sadly, was short-shorts Wesley. The young hopeful, who had the potential to be another Daniel Vosovic of season 2 (wish he was straight but he’s gay), was bested by his difficult fabric. I really thought that Leanne’s froopy mess in the same fabric had a weaker concept, although it was executed better. In the end, the execution saved Leanne, and Heidi auf’d Wesley. And Natalie Portman almost cried, and that is why I love her so much.
On to the memorable quotes!
This is a competition, so any decision where Suede doesn’t go home is the right decision, but I totally didn’t expect [Jerry to go home]. – …and let Suede’s third person monologue begin!
Licious and nutritious! – Shut up, Blayne.
Jennifer snatches up my model. What am I gonna do? I am SALTY! – Jerell
My designer is Kenley, and it was like, you’re gonna have this model shop for my fabric, you gotta be kidding me! Her face was just like… complete disgust. – Shannone (okay, we feel kinda of sorry for the models, that is a lot of pressure…)
We have no control over what they’re choosing and I’m screaming to Leslie as she’s running to the door, Don’t forget closures! Zippers, buttons, elastic! – Emily
I know absolutely nothing about fashion design! – Xaviera. We appreciate your honesty, but really… how is that possible?
My biggest fear is that she is gonna come back with remnants of nonsense… – Jerell. ‘Remnants of nonsense’ is also what I call everything that comes out of Blayne’s mouth.
I have to prove myself to Darth Vader. Heidi, I call her Darth-licious. Because on the outside, you know, she’s all shiny and like all put together, but on the inside she’s cray-zee. – Blayne
Look at you, Drapey Draperson! – Kelli to Stella, before Stella axed her model’s idea.
Suede’s a bisexual Saggitarius and loves long walks on the beach and really loves working with small pieces of fabric! – Suede
Suede likes to talk about himself in the third person, doesn’t Suede? – Emily
Suede’s really sad, Suede’s gonna go home and cry all night long. Leanne likes Suede, but Suede needs to stop talking in third person. – Leanne
I wanna just sew leather. Burn it up, dye it up, grommet it, pyramid it, stud it, spike it… I wanna make my leather! – Stella… shocking, I know.
My cat’s leather, I like to watch leather TV, my husband’s leather, all my kids came out of me leather… – Blayne gains back some points because his Stella impersonation is hilarious.
What, Blayne? He’s twelve years old! What does he know? – Stella
C’mere Blayne, where are you diapers? Remove that piece of leather from the center of your teeth, you got a gap between ’em. – Stella
I love ya, leather face! – Blayne, and then they hugged and made up!
Tim: Good morning, designers! How is everybody?
How ya doin’, Wesley? You got that panic look on your face. – Thanks for pointing that out, Keith.
The looks on some of the designers’ faces, especially team ugly brown fabric, kinda look concerned… and I think justly so. – Jerell is clearly this season’s voice of reason.
It is– the most overused word in fashion– it’s chic! – Michael Kors on Kenley’s ‘couture-cocktail’ dress
For satin to work it has to kind of look like human hands didn’t touch it, and this looks like 20 sets of human hands touched it. – Michael Kors
I think shiny, tight, and short is the quickest way to look cheap. – Nina, the truest comment of the night, and a good thing for girls everywhere to remember all the time.
I’m really not into asymmetrical stuff personally, but it’s nicely done. – What a fine example of unbiased judging and articulate speaking from the gorgeous Natalie Portman. (Okay, I just exploded into full-blown fandom.)
Listen, I love a curvy girl, but trust me, even curvy girls… they don’t want fins off their butt. – Michael Kors to Korto
I would wear that, I love it. I think it’s so sweet, and fun, and young, and really unique, and special. I really, really love it. – Natalie Portman on Suede’s dress, apparently trying to win the use-the-most-adjectives contest that the judges were having behind the scenes.
If I were ten years younger, I would wear it, too. – Heidi admits she’s old!
Petals here, petals there, asymmetrical falling off, it’s got a pocket, it’s got a piece, it’s got a panel… it’s five dresses in one. – Michael Kors on the Leanimal’s dress
All I can think about is how happy my mom is going to be. – Suede… Awww.
Oh, and don’t even get me started on the scenes from next week… They. Are. Awesome. Until then!
– Hayley Wells
Photos: Bravotv.comSee the Top Ten Summer 2016 Trends for Women Over 40