If Your Ex-Boyfriend Was A Pair Of Shoes…

Our friends over at TheGloss.com recently posted an article asking “What If Your Ex-Boyfriend Was A Designer Handbag?” While we thoroughly enjoyed the article, we think that there might be an even better correlation between exes and footwear. After all, what captures a lady’s heart more quickly than a truly fabulous pair of shoes?

1. Everyone has dated a guy who is objectively good-looking, “good on paper” and perfect to take home to the parents. Moreover nearly everyone has dumped that guy when they realized they were looking forward to lifetime of beige furniture, country club visits with the in-laws and private school tuition. Like that guy, these neutral Manolos are beautiful, elegant, and versatile, but lack excitement.

2. On the other hand, every girl has dated or lusted a bad boy – the kind of guy that either has a motorcycle or fast car, wore a leather jacket, and was generally a little rough around the edges. These black patent Poure Va Victoire pumps were the perfect choice to wear with that skirt that was just little too short to whichever dive bar his band was playing at that weekend.

3. You might have thought this guy was a total darling albeit a bit scatterbrained. But hey, he was an artist! …Or a writer, or some other creative wannabe. However he really worked at a hipster coffee shop and secretly wanted to date Zooey Decschanel or some other manic pixie dream girl archetype who would wear sparkly ballet flats like these MiuMius. You dumped him when you had to cover rent (yet again) but he still insulted you for selling out with your corporate job.

4. This one wasn’t really an ex-boyfriend, but rather a poor decision made on a bachelorette weekend in Vegas. Like these gaudy Versaces, the less said about that one the better.

5. Every girl should have the experience of being treated like a princess, and a pair of these leopard Louboutins combined a sleek little cocktail dress and worn with a fabulous dinner and drinks at the hottest place in town would certainly do the trick. The ex that took you on this date was probably a little too smooth for his own good and you both knew it, but he was a memorable fling anyways. Limo service optional but certainly recommended.

6. If you studied abroad in college, you knew this guy. Eager to impress American girls and most likely tall, dark and handsome in a safely exotic way, he made you feel grown-up and a little bit decadent, like these Giuseuppe Zanotti sandals that really belong on a Mediterranean beach.

1. Manolo Blahnik Campy Patent Mary Janes, $645

2. Pour La Victoire Zimmer in Black Patent, $250

3. Missoni Ballet Flats, now $315

4. Versace Studded Leather and Lucite Platform Sandals, $2225

5. Christian Louboutin Leopard-Print Calf Hair and Leather Platform Sandals, $1075

6. Giuseppe Zanotti Jeweled Thong Sandals, $930

—Jacqueline Zenn

Image Layout: Kristine Horton

 

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