"Well, the week began and ended the same way: with part-time pop star Paris Hilton checking into an L.A. jail, taking along with her some very helpful cell-decorating tips from MTV Movie Awards hostess-with-the-mostess Sarah Silverman, who’d used her monologue time to pick on Paris in her typically FCC-mocking manner. (Cameras quickly cut to capture Paris’s reaction; judging by the heiress’s stony-faced expression, she was either rilly, rilly annoyed, or still trying to process Sarah’s sophisticated joke.)
Anyhoo, at first it seemed Paris might not get preferential treatment (she did, like any other inmate, reportedly have to undergo a strip search–something that Paris sex-tape distributor Red Light Video would surely love to have footage of). But the first sign of celebrity favoritism came when, unlike other prisoners, she wasn’t forced to remove her hair weave. And then, before she even had the chance to enjoy a conjugal visit from Stavros Niarchos, Paris Latsis, Nick Carter, or whomever else she’s hooking up with these days, it turned out the One Night In Paris starlet only had to spend three nights in prison: Much to the delight of her fans but to the chagrin of fans of, you know, justice, Paris was released to serve the remaining 40 days of her 43-day sentence under house arrest. In her house. A house that probably boasts more square footage than most jailhouses. Apparently she was released for "medical reasons," because psychiatrist-to-the-stars Charles Sophy claimed she was too "emotionally distraught." But then a wise, wise man by the name of Judge Michael Sauer intervened, and so now the artist formerly and once again known as Inmate #9818783, hair extensions and all, is back behind bars…
Paris-related injustice to rally against: Reggae-pop band UB40 are suing Ms. Hilton for half a million dollars, for allegedly ripping off their song "Kingston Town" in her 2006 hit single "Stars Are Blind." Well, the good news for Paris is she can probably stay out of court, by getting Dr. Sophy to write another note explaining why having to pay off UB40 would cause her distress. The bad news for Paris, however, is that the songs do sound pretty dang similar."